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Somatic Therapy for People Pleasers in Los Angeles: When you’re in a tense situation—someone’s upset with you, or there’s conflict brewing—your body reacts like you’re in real danger. This isn’t just a habit. It’s your nervous system trying to keep you safe. So, you end up feeling like you have to keep everyone happy.
That’s where somatic therapy comes in. It helps you notice what’s happening in your body. Instead of going straight into “please everyone” mode, you can learn to feel grounded and safe in a new way.
For people-pleasers, the reaction is called “fawning.”
Fawning is our body’s way of saying, “Let me keep everyone happy, so I can keep the peace.” Fawning is that feeling of “walking on eggshells.” When you fawn, you never ever EVER rock the boat.
First, we’ll get clear on why people-pleasing isn’t just about saying “yes” too much. I’ll walk you through how your nervous system drives these patterns and how attachment styles make us more prone to them. Then, we’ll get into the real tools somatic therapy offers so you can respond in ways that feel safe and empowering—without bending over backward to keep everyone else happy.
You might’ve heard about “fight or flight,” the idea that when you feel threatened, your body either wants to fight back or get out of there.
But there’s also another response: fawn.
Instead of fighting or fleeing, fawning makes you want to smooth things over, people-please, and keep everyone around you calm.
When you feel “threatened,” your nervous system switches on. The same system that would react if you were facing a dangerous situation also jumps into action when the “threat” is something emotional—like thinking you might disappoint someone. Your heart might beat faster, your breathing can get shallow, and you feel tense, as if you need to fix things right away to make everything okay.
You’re not actually in danger, but your body thinks that by keeping everyone around you happy, you’ll avoid something bad, like conflict.
So your nervous system actually has another part called the parasympathetic system Its job is to calm you down and is actually referred to as the “rest and digest” side of things (like after you’ve faced a threat). But for people who tend to people-please, the “stay calm” side doesn’t kick in as much as it should. You might stay tense, constantly on edge, and ready to please the moment there’s even a hint of trouble.
When you tune into your body’s signals—like noticing a racing heart, tight chest, or clenched jaw—you can slow things down. By doing that, you give the “stay calm” side of your nervous system a chance to get activated. This way, you’re not jumping straight into people-pleasing every time something feels…off.
So, WTF is exactly is happening with this fawn response? It’s your body’s way of managing what it thinks is a “threat” in relationships. And by “threat,” I mean things that make you uncomfortable—stuff like conflict, criticism, or the fear of letting someone down.
In your brain, there’s something called the amygdala, which acts as an emotional alarm. It can sense danger, and in this case, “danger” could be as simple as someone giving you a weird look or you worrying that you’ve pissed off a friend.
The amygdala sends a stress signal through your body (which triggers things like tension, shallow breathing, or other signs of stress) all trying to keep you safe from feeling emotions that make you feel…well…kinda shitty. Instead of standing up for yourself or leaving the situation, you might start fawning, aka making yourself agreeable, even if it’s uncomfortable. And even if it’s not authentic to what you really want.
Somatic therapy is incredibly useful because it helps you catch these reactions while they’re happening. When you notice things like a tight chest or shallow breathing, you’re recognizing the start of the fawn response. This awareness can be powerful—it gives you the chance to pause and choose a totally different way to respond, rather than automatically trying to make everyone around you happy.
The whole point of somatic therapy is to build awareness of your body’s responses. When you start noticing these patterns, you can change how you respond to stress instead of slipping into people-pleasing on autopilot. You don’t have to let your nervous system run the show.
If this resonates with you and you’re interested in seeing how somatic therapy could help you break out of these people-pleasing patterns, check out more resources on my website. Somatic therapy is an incredible tool that can help you regain control over how you respond, whether you’re handling stress in Los Angeles or anywhere else.
People-pleasing doesn’t just happen—it often starts with how we learned to connect with others as kids. If you grew up in a home where love or safety felt inconsistent, you probably developed strategies to keep that connection, even if it meant putting others’ needs ahead of your own. People-pleasing becomes a way to feel safe by keeping everyone around you happy.
When we talk about attachment wounds, we’re getting into how your brain and body learned to respond to others, based on early experiences. For people-pleasers, these early attachment wounds trigger an automatic response to accommodate others. Your body learned that when you keep others happy, you’re less likely to face rejection or conflict, which your nervous system interprets as “safe.”
With this style, your nervous system is always on the lookout for any sign of rejection or abandonment. Even the smallest hint of emotional distance can activate your fight-or-flight response, pushing you to people-please to keep things stable.
Avoidant individuals might not have the same fawn response. Instead, they shut down emotionally and withdraw. While not exactly people-pleasing, it’s still a way their nervous system manages threat—by avoiding closeness instead of engaging.
Disorganized attachment is a mix of anxious and avoidant responses. Your nervous system swings between wanting closeness and fearing it, which creates internal chaos. For many with this style, over-pleasing can be a way to calm that chaos, especially in relationships.
Secure individuals still get triggered, but they are able to recognize their needs, communicate them with others, and receive love.
| Curious about how attachment styles might impact your own patterns? Dive deeper into these dynamics on my attachment therapy in Los Angeles page.
So, how does this all play out in real life? Let’s look at three ways attachment wounds might trigger nervous system responses that keep people-pleasing in overdrive.
With an anxious attachment style, it’s common to stay on high alert, always watching for signs that someone’s upset or might leave. This hypervigilance keeps your nervous system stuck in high gear, ready to accommodate to avoid conflict.
People-pleasers often go out of their way to dodge any form of conflict. This is a classic fawn response—agreeing to things, even against your wishes, because your nervous system interprets conflict as a danger.
For many, this looks like going above and beyond to keep others happy, sometimes at the expense of your own needs. It’s your nervous system’s way of keeping emotional peace by easing everyone else’s discomfort.
Talk therapy just going in circles? I get it. Instead of focusing solely on talking through your issues, somatic therapy works with the body to process those deeply ingrained nervous system responses. It helps you recognize the physical signs that you’re slipping into people-pleasing mode and provides tools to regulate your system before it spirals.
Working with a somatic therapist in Los Angeles can help you learn how your nervous system responds to attachment wounds, and rewire your brain. By integrating body-based awareness into your healing process, you can disrupt those automatic reactions and create new ways of relating to others that DON’T involve losing yourself.
Now that we’ve explored how your nervous system fuels people-pleasing, let’s get into the “how-to” of calming it when those patterns start showing up! The goal here is working with your body—not just your thoughts. When you feel that tight chest, shallow breathing, or tension, it’s a red flag from your nervous system, letting you know it’s time to regulate. Somatic therapy gives you practical, body-based tools to reset. Here are three totally doable techniques to calm your system and interrupt people-pleasing patterns before they take over.
Breathwork is simple but powerful, a go-to technique for calming your nervous system. When you notice yourself slipping into people-pleasing, use this easy breathing exercise to bring yourself back:
Repeat this pattern a few times. By engaging your parasympathetic nervous system (the “rest and digest” system), this breathwork helps you calm down and respond more thoughtfully.
Body scanning helps you tune into areas where stress or tension builds up, especially when you feel that urge to please others. Here’s how to make it a regular practice:
This practice helps you catch early signs of stress, so you can relax before your body jumps into the fawn response. Body scanning is a great way to break the automatic people-pleasing cycle and stay in control.
This technique is especially helpful when you’re heading into a conversation or situation where you know people-pleasing might kick in. By creating a visual boundary around yourself, you give your nervous system a sense of safety. Here’s how to practice it:
Each of these somatic therapy techniques—breathwork, body scanning, and boundary visualization—directly impacts your nervous system by easing it out of fawn mode and back into a calm, balanced state. They all work with the parasympathetic system to signal your body that it’s okay to relax.
In this post, I talk about the science behind somatic therapy and its transformative impact on trauma recovery. Discover how this body-centered approach to holistic healing can enhance your well-being. Ready to explore the research-backed benefits of somatic therapy?
