There are many benefits that come out of therapy- learning new coping skills, processing traumas, learning how to manage anxiety, nervous system regulation, the list goes on and on. Unfortunately, there are many myths and misconceptions about therapy. These myths can be dangerous because they stop people from getting help that they very much deserve.
As a mental health provider, I’ve heard many of these stigmas. Below I break down why these myths are just that: absolutely FALSE.
Myth # 1: You Need to be in a Crisis to Seek Therapy
There are many widespread myths about therapy, birthed from the stigmas associated with mental health & mental illness. One of the biggest ones is that you need to have something “wrong” going on in your life (like a crisis); or worse yet, that there is something “wrong” with you. And that is absolutely not true. There are sooo many reasons to start counseling. Sometimes, people seek services when things in life become too overwhelming or something major happened (like the death of a loved one or a life “crisis”). Sometimes people come to therapy for anxiety or depression. But people can also come to therapy when they want to process things, build insight or awareness to their present-day behaviors, or just maintenance.
Myth # 2: Going to Therapy Means You Can’t Handle Things On Your Own
Absolutely false. Going to therapy is not a weakness. Needing support is not a weakness. It actually takes great strength and vulnerability to reach out and actually follow through with getting support. Mic drop.
Myth # 3: All Therapy is Generally the Same
There are many different types of therapy out there: different modalities, styles, orientations, frequencies, etc. There is traditional talk therapy, psychodynamic (which focuses on processing the past), Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (a type of evidenced-based practice that focuses on how thoughts and feelings impact our behaviors), etc. There is also dance, art, equine-assisted therapy…the list is seriously huge.
And to be honest, there’s good therapy. There’s bad therapy. There’s so-so therapy.
Secondly, not all providers are the same. If you see two therapists that both specialize in Internal Family Systems, for example, it doesn’t mean that both will have the same style, beliefs, or ways of practicing. Even though they both utilize the IFS framework, treatment with them could be two entirely different experiences. Therapy is many things, but it’s certainly not a “one-size fits all” kind of deal.
Myth # 4: Your Therapist Can Read Your Mind/They’re Psychoanalyzing You
When we think about the way traditional Hollywood has portrayed therapists (which don’t get me started – they’re almost all bad), one image that has always stuck out to me is the smug looking one who seems like they’re constantly smelling something bad just sitting there, judging you, and constantly analyzing your mind. The truth is: even the “best” therapist can’t read your mind. No one can! So when something comes up in your sessions, and you want to talk more about it, I can’t recommend enough the importance of sharing it with your provider. Plus, if we could read your mind, that would be really freaky.
Myth # 5: Therapy is Just Like Talking to a Really Good Friend
Have you ever been so excited to see a friend because you need some support? And you let out everything that you have been bottling up throughout the day, just needing to be heard and acknowledged? Then this moment happens: You look up at your friend and they nod their head, say “OMG I’m so sorry!” and then start talking about a time that they dealt with “something similar”?
Speaking with a health care professional is completely different. You are speaking with someone whose job it is to literally listen to you and empathize. They aren’t waiting for a break in conversation to jump in and talk about themselves. Good therapists are highly trained and skillful individuals that know how to sincerely listen, and provide objective feedback or point out patterns that they observe.
While our friends have the best intentions, it can be incredibly annoying to not truly feel heard! And that’s because your friends are not your therapist(s).. Even if your friends are literally therapists, they’re not your therapist.
Myth # 6: They Give You Advice & Tell You What to Do
Although clinicians can provide feedback and offer healthy ways to deal with a situation, they absolutely do not give advice. Sometimes it can be helpful to talk to a friend or loved one and seek advice for what to do in a situation, and sometimes it ends up being more harmful than helpful. When we seek advice from others, we have to remember that their answers aren’t unfiltered. When we give advice to others, we are speaking from our experiences, our beliefs, and our traumas. Advice is rarely 100% objective.
Secondly, it is not the their role or responsibility to give you advice (and they certainly should not be telling you what to do). The role of a mental health provider is to help you work through what is going on, and assist you to make the best possible choice for you based on your experiences, your beliefs, your past traumas, and how you cope.
Can it be frustrating at times when you’re sitting across from a licensed professional, word vomiting a situation that you are struggling with, just wishing they would tell you what the hell to do? Absolutely. But it is more rewarding to have them help you figure out what is best for you.
Myth # 7: All You Do in Therapy is Talk Sh*t About Your Parents
Nope. Not true. Although some treatment orientations are more focused on the past, like psychodynamic or attachment approaches, it doesn’t mean that you are going to spend every session talking about how your parents ruined our lives (but if they did then yeah, you have every right to say whatever the hell you want).
But generally speaking, we discuss childhood because our formative years have an impact about how we view and show up in the world. There is also a biological and evolutionary need to be acknowledged and loved by our parents, and even when we have the most amazing parents, the way that we perceived experiences in childhood is what really matters.
Myth # 8: If I Go to Therapy, Everyone Will Know
Sharing whether you are receive services or not is a personal choice. And the confidentiality of clients is a legal and ethical issue that therapists take very seriously. How serious? Well, sharing information about a client that is outside of the limits of confidentiality (i.e. harm to self or others or abuse) is unethical. And illegal. And they could lose their license.
But some people are worried that they need to tell their friends that they are seeking services. Others may be embarrassed to walk into an office or be seen in the waiting room. Both valid concerns, but there’s a solution to that, too. Getting treatment now is as convenient as ever. With the advancement and acceptance of online online (aka virtual telehealth), you could receive services without even leaving your home.
Appointments where I don’t have to commute all over Los Angeles traffic? Sign me up.
Myth # 9: Therapy Will Change Me or My Personality
Therapy will not change who you are as a person. It will not change your personality. In fact, it is a place to practice intentional vulnerability to help you feel safe and comfortable enough to truly be yourself. Counseling is a place that helps you reconnect with your authentic self. It encourages you to meet yourself where you are, and will never encourage you to think, believe, or behave in a way that is not 100% you.
Often times, people come out of therapy knowing themselves a hell of a lot more than before they came in.
Myth # 10: Therapy Doesn’t Work
This is the biggest myth of ‘em all, but let’s speak about the validity of this statement real quick.
It is true that not all therapy works for everyone. As discussed in Myth # 3: It is not a “one size fits all” situation. And that’s a good thing!
For example, psychodynamic approaches may not work well for Person A, and Person B may not like a strictly solution-focused approach. This doesn’t mean that it doesn’t work. This may mean that a certain modality or orientation isn’t what works for you. And that’s okay. That just means you can try a different kind of treatment.
And not all therapists are created equal. I saw a great provider before, but that person just “wasn’t for me.” It doesn’t mean treatment didn’t help, it just meant that I needed to find someone different. Someone that I felt more comfortable with. And let me tell you…once you find a provider who a) you feel comfortable with, b) who practices and/or utilizes theories and orientations that align with your beliefs, and c) is really good at their job – it freakin WORKS.
