Cheryl Groskopf, LMFT, LPCC
Holistic Anxiety, Trauma, and Attachment Therapist in Los Angeles
As an attachment therapist in Los Angeles, I’ve seen a growing interest in attachment therapy among clients. But what exactly is attachment therapy, and how does attachment theory play into it? This blog aims to demystify these concepts, answering all your general questions about this transformative approach. If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to reach out! Interested in beginning your journey with attachment therapy? Contact me, Cheryl Groskopf, for a free consultation. I also specialize in the treatment of anxiety, trauma, and Complex PTSD – all tailored to your unique path towards healing.
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What is Attachment Theory?
John Bowlby, a British psychologist, developed the framework that early interactions between infants and caregivers shape emotional bonds and, ultimately, set the foundation for future relationship patterns. Researcher Mary Ainsworth expanded upon attachment theory, shedding light on how early attachment experiences continue to influence individuals throughout their lives. This research showed how these early attachments impact the quality and nature of their relationships in adulthood.
For example, individuals with a secure attachment style tend to have healthier and more stable relationships, while those with insecure attachment styles may face challenges in forming and maintaining close connections.
The main attachment styles, as identified by Ainsworth, are secure attachment, anxious-avoidant attachment, anxious-ambivalent attachment, and disorganized attachment.
The Four Attachment Styles: Secure Attachment, Anxious-Ambivalent Attachment, Anxious-Avoidant Attachment, Disorganized Attachment
Secure Attachment: Feelings of Safety
Secure attachment feels safe. Secure attachment isn’t about not having any conflict or struggles; it’s about recognizing them and nurturing it. People with secure attachment are comfortable giving and receiving love. These individuals either received consistent emotional support growing up, or worked hard as an adult to get here.
Anxious Ambivalent Attachment: The Need for Constant Validation
Anxious attachment can be a really confusing experience. They find themselves constantly seeking reassurance, and fearing abandonment. These individuals may have had inconsistent caregiving (i.e. a parent who was amazing at always being there for you, but was inconsistent in showing up emotionally).
Avoidant Attachment: The Independent One
These individuals may be fearful or avoidant in their relationships. They find it difficult to rely on others or to ask for help. Growing up, their caregivers may have been less emotionally available.
Disorganized Attachment: Complex Confusion
These individuals have a blend of both anxious and avoidant symptoms. They want to be loved, but also push it away. This may be related to neglectful or abusive caregiving. We also see this when raised by a caregiver with substance abuse or a serious mental illness.
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Why Attachment Matters
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What Attachment Style Am I?
Attachment theory is not limited to childhood; it has been extended to explain adult attachment patterns and relationships The main attachment styles identified in adults are similar to those observed in children: secure attachment style, anxious-preoccupied attachment, dismissive-avoidant attachment, and fearful-avoidant attachment.
It can be helpful to know which attachment style you are. I’ll describe some here, but remember…only a trained professional can truly identify your attachment style. Plus! You can have different attachment styles with different individuals – it’s not a one size fits all kind of situation.
Your attachment style is kind of like a blueprint of how you show up in relationships. It provides us a lot of information on “why we are the way we are.” But it’s just that – a blueprint. You can certainly change it to something that feels more authentic and safe.
Secure Attachment in Adulthood
Adults with a secure attachment style feel comfortable with intimacy. They generally are able to trust and be trusted. They are comfortable with both emotional closeness and independence. They are more likely to have positive views of themselves and their partners – and are able to navigate relationship challenges.
Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment:
Adults with an anxious-preoccupied attachment style often worry about their partner’s availability and fear rejection. They may seek constant reassurance & validation, & they may have a tendency to be overly dependent on their partner.
Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment:
Adults with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style tend to downplay the importance of close relationships. They may value independence & self-reliance which leads to avoiding emotional intimacy. Although Dismissive-Avoidant Attachments actually long closeness and intimacy, they may be uncomfortable with too much closeness.
Fearful-Avoidant (Disorganized) Attachment:
Fearful-Avoidant Attachment is a combination of anxious and avoidant tendencies. Individuals with a fearful-avoidant attachment style may desire closeness but fear rejection. They may be overwhelmed by the emotional demands of relationships.
Earned Secure Attachment (Disorganized Attachment Resolved):
Some adults with a history of insecure attachment in childhood may develop a more secure attachment style in adulthood through self-reflection, personal growth, and therapy. This is often referred to as an “earned secure attachment.”
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How Can Attachment Therapy In Los Angeles Help?
1. Healing Past Wounds: If you’ve experienced trauma or neglect in your early years, Attachment Therapy provides a safe space to heal those wounds.
2. Strengthening Relationships: As you become more secure in your attachments, your relationships will become more fulfilling and harmonious. You’ll feel more comfortable not just giving love, but receiving it. Adult attachment styles significantly influence the dynamics of romantic relationships, friendships, and other social connections.
3. Relationship Satisfaction: Securely attached individuals tend to experience greater satisfaction and stability in their relationships compared to those with insecure attachment styles.
4. Improved Communication: Learning how to recognize and express your attachment needs can lead to healthier, more effective communication in your relationships
5. Enhanced Self-Awareness: Understanding your attachment style helps you you gain insight into your behaviors and emotional responses in relationships.
Therapists can work with you to explore and make sense of your attachment history, helping you to develop more secure ways of relating to others.
6. Change and Growth: While attachment styles tend to be relatively stable, they are not fixed. With self-awareness, intentional effort, and working with an attachment therapist, you can develop more secure attachment patterns and enhance the quality of their relationships.
How to Sooth Anxious Attachment
Self-Compassion
Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend. Acknowledge and validate your feelings without judgment.
Grounding Techniques
Ground yourself in the present moment by focusing on your senses. Notice the sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and textures around you. This can help shift your attention away from anxious thoughts
Positive Affirmations That Feel Authentic (NOT Toxic Positivity)
Use positive affirmations to challenge negative thoughts and beliefs about yourself and relationships. Repeat affirmations that promote self-worth and security
Deep Breathing Exercises
Engage in deep breathing exercises to calm your nervous system. Slow, deep breaths can help activate the body’s relaxation response and reduce feelings of anxiety.
Mindfulness
Paying attention to the here-and-now experience. Engage in your 5 senses, and pay attention to your body and emotions without judgment.
Establish Boundaries
Set clear and healthy boundaries in your relationships. Clearly communicate your needs and limits, and recognize that it’s okay to prioritize self-care.
Journaling
Keep a journal to explore and understand your feelings. Writing can be a therapeutic way to express your emotions, gain insights into your patterns, and track your progress over time
Therapy
An attachment therapist in Los Angeles can provide guidance and support tailored to your specific needs.
Support System
Form supportive relationships with friends, family, or a support group. Having a reliable support system can provide a sense of security and reduce feelings of isolation.
Educate Yourself
Learn more about attachment theory and how it influences your relationships. Understanding the underlying dynamics can help you develop insight and work on changing patterns that no longer serve you
Connect with an Attachment Therapist in Los Angeles
Meet Cheryl Groskopf, LMFT, LPCC
Ready to dive deeper into your attachment style? Interested in transforming your relationships? I’m Cheryl Groskopf, an attachment specialist in LA. If you’re battling anxiety in relationships, wrestling with the impact of emotionally immature parents, or seeking to heal from trauma and/or childhood trauma, I’m here to guide you. Let’s collaborate and unlock a more fulfilling, emotionally rich life for you.
Click here to schedule a session and begin your journey to healing in Los Angeles. I offer online therapy to residents that live in CA. Your path to understanding and growth can start now!
